the irony of it all.

things that bug, just a little:

when I'm woken up by being yelled at, especially for the stupidest reasons. &Especially since I treasure the days I get to actually sleep in.

when I do something right, yet I still get scolded.

when I spend half my day sitting on my butt, driving.

that I'm the go-to girl because everyone knows I'll most likely say yes.

that for some reason, I act like everyone's mom.

wasting gas& $ because of pure stupidity.

acting like the Older Sister, most of the time if not always.

taking care of people who are intoxicated.

how people somehow need drugs& alcohol to have a good time, or to "relax".

when I'm so upset that I have to change my tone or raise my voice. 'Cos I seriously feel like guilty shit afterwards.

seeing the true colors of people I thought I knew so well; people I've put so much trust into even when my doubts weighed more.

the fact that I have poor sense of judgement.

how in almost every relationship, the beginning's just a front.

still being wide awake at SIX in the AM, & having work the next day.

when I cry. I hate it above a lot of things.

going through things that change me in a bad way.

being broke because I'm trying to get an education that'll lead to a well-paying occupation.

crying because no one else is around to tell me to stop.

sleeping by myself.

that I talk a lot when I'm happy, but you most likely won't get a word out of me when I'm irritated.

being emotionally exhausted, but not sleepy a bit.

things that remind me of the past.

promises that are broken.

inconsistency.

how I have the balls to complain about the shit I go through, when it doesn't even COMPARE to what a lot of other people go through.

Why do people put up with crying every night over relationships that are hurting them repeatedly, yet, when a good thing rolls around, it's just too good to be true? Too good that they feel like they want reality. The word associated with fighting, jealousy, & working endlessly to make a relationship work even when it fails constantly. Convincing themselves that what's good isn't necessarily real.

Are you real, or is this just the beginning?

Every time I feel like my heart is filled in excess, waiting to just burst in fear of holding it in, something weighs it right back down again. &I don't know if it's because it's just not it, or if I'm just holding myself at a high. Every time I think I'm sure, something gets in the way to convince me that I haven't seen it all. I want something constant. Not something I'm constantly trying to figure out; is it everlasting, or is it just in the moment? I can never tell. I just don't want to fall for another front.

Because once I'm stuck, I'm really, stuck.

I thought falling was supposed to be a good feeling.