s t r o n g e r

Class is not happening today, haha but it's on the teacher today. [= So I'm happy. Today should be fun. Lunch (: . T3 Dessert . & Shopping with my other third? Great. [: Love this thing called life. haha, I swear I'm high on it.

- - - - -

I've been loving/hating myself lately. Because I'm finally learning how to take a stand. Everyone who tells me I'm a pushover needs to stfu, cos they're freaking hypocrites. When they're the ones who push me as well. I guess no one can really help me stick up for myself. It's up to me. & The point where I've had enough. & Trust me, I've had enough. So I've been dishing what I think is right, no backing down for things I didn't do wrong, & just standing up for myself lately. People need to grow up & realize I'm not a little kid anymore.

& This goes for everything. I'm not giving in, just yet.

Just give up the game & get into me

If you're looking for thrills, then get cold feet

Oh, no I do not hook up, up

I go slow

So if you want me I don't come cheap

Keep your head on my hand & your heart on your sleeve

Oh, no I do not hook up, up

I fall deep

'Cause the more you try the harder I'll fight to say

g o o d b y e .

v a c a t i o n

Yesterday was nice. Random visit to The Happiest Place on Earth. (: It was nice to just get the fck out of the valley for once, hehe.

I just wana roadtrip or something, with someone real close to me. Someone I can just cry to, or say nothing at all during the whole trip & that'd be okay. 'Cos honestly, no matter how much I'm trying to be strong, I'm falling apart.

Here's to another day of me going to sChOOL. [[[[: <3

e f f o r t

So I hardly ever go to class, right? Well I've been going the past week + today, & it feels good. ..to be on top of my game again. Focused.

&I ask for my grade today in Music. I have a low A. Based solely on quizzes & tests (the only things I ever show up for.) Quizzes & tests I cram for ten minutes before class. &So I think to myself how I'd do .. if I just try. ..& that goes for all my classes. I can do so much better, in everything. So why don't I put a little effort into things that matter, instead of things that bring me down?

I want big things, &I dream huge. I'm getting tired of people who want things they're not willing to work for, including relationships. &People who whine when they can't get what they want, when they don't even try.

I'm ready to give it my all. I'm tired of wasting potential for fear of not reaching the destination desired. I know I messed up, but I gotta fall a little for the lessons to hit me that hard. No more fcking up, promise.

- - -
As for other things. It's getting old. I'm tired of falling into this routine.

I could honestly care less. Happy?

"&That's that."

w a n t e d !

Still by Tamia.

is how it should be.

what I aim for.
what I'm looking for.
&everything I want.

q u o t e s

to get you through the day.

"Brick walls are there for a reason. They're not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want something badly enough." -The Last Lecture

& My fortune cookie today:

BE QUICKER OF MIND THAN OF TOUNGUE.

damn straight.

she rockin' that thing like. [=

peace & loveeee<3

If I Were A Boy

Exactly how I feel, & exactly how I like to express it.

Her choreography's amazing.

t i m e

Only time can heal.

Is the truest statement.

Ever felt like every second of the day you just wanted to break down & cry? Or felt like you didn't wana get out of bed, no matter how bright the sun shone through your window? What about not getting a second of sleep because all you could think about was how nice it'd be to still have him right next to you, holding you in his arms? How, even though he's the one who made you cry--how, he's the one person who could stop your tears.

It's called holding so much love in your heart that it's capable of being shattered. I like how you were frustrated at me for being a pushover to everyone else, & yet, it was okay for me to give in to you constantly. & How you really don't know how it feels to be in this state. To be so emotional, vulnerable, & moody.

Throughout everything we've been through, it's funny. Because I still hope you the best.

The greatest thing about time is that it will not stop for your grief. & How no matter how bad you want to just stand & freeze time to soak in the memories before you have a chance to let them go, time will only move forward, forcing you to move forward as well.

Don't look back now.

t r u t h b o x

So I go to see who wrote in my Truth Box cos I haven't checked in awhile.

& I see this:
"if your heart could float in the air, i wish i was the one to catch it because i would never let go"

Sweet.
Whoever wrote that made my day. (:

l e a r n i n g

so I'm learning.

I'm learning that we're gonna argue, but we can get past that. that no matter how good someone is to you, they're gonna hurt you, but true friendship is about forgiving. that choices we make in a second might bring us heartache for the rest of our life. I've learned that you should always leave the ones you love with nothing less than loving words, because you never know if that's the last you'll see of them. I've learned that we deserve the consequences for the actions we take, regardless of how we felt that moment. that you gotta learn how to control your attitude, or your attitude will control you. that the people who keep bringing me down might just lend me a helping hand to knock me straight back up one day. that maturity comes with the experiences you've taken from, not with birthdays. that no matter how bad my heart has been broken, the world will not stop for my grief. that our environment may affect who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. that two people can look at the same thing & think two completely different things; & sometimes, that's okay. that even if I am broken beyond repair, if a friend cries for help, I can somehow find the strength to help. that the people you care most about are the people who are too soonly taken away from you. that we have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give us the right to be cruel. that true friendship continues to grow, no matter how many miles or seconds apart. same thing goes for love. that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. that we can keep going long after we think we can't. that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, no matter what the consequences are. that the best of my friends are the ones I can do absolutely nothing with, & yet, have the best time. that maybe the reason you carry heartache with you is because it's not enough to be forgiven by everyone else. maybe you gotta learn to forgive yourself. I'm learning that we shouldn't push to find out secrets, because those are the things that change our lives forever. that my life can be/has been changed by people who don't even know me, in a matter of h o u r s. that the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything. We just make the most of everything.

- - - - -
I'm finally learning who I am. what worth I have. learning that not everyone tells the truth, & that there's a lot more shady people in this world than I thought. I've been learning that the amount of love I have for a person will not stop them from hurting me, or lying to me. I'm learning to figure out what I want now. I'm learning that letting go doesn't make me weak, even if that person doesn't realize what they've lost. it only makes me stronger for realizing it all together. having the strength to walk away, no matter how much hurt I carry along the road. because it's better to reach an end of a road, rather than to be walking over the same path, over & over again, not knowing where I stand in a person's life.

call me shallow for being picky.
I'm looking at it differently.


I know what I want now, & fuck no, I'm not settling for anything less.

<3