goodbye, Summer.

I have to say, this summer slowly climbed up the scale& pretty much beat all the rest. It had it's ups& it's downs, but the ups were sky-high.

Letting go of Lei. Taking hold of Ary. Overlooking Long Beach, first time at a high-class restaurant. Going through so many changes@ my first Restaurant job. Holding three jobs at one time, &Finally finding/going back to one that wasn't part of the three to begin w/. Seeing Brother graduate. Having Mom& Dad at the same place, at the same time; so close, yet so far. Meeting Melanie. [: &The dinner w/ her aunt, where I realized how much I could not go a day longer w/o dancing again. Bonding closer w/ V.ENT@ the picnic/bbq. Father's Day♥ w/ Dad's twist on crabs. Morning classes w/ Francis [: .. then dropping it. WARPED TOUR! ..First concert in awhile since No Doubt; getting to see Meg&Dia LIVE. Sharing a passion of my mom's. New baby on the Gutlay side. Lola Naty's golden anniversary; seeing Jonas& Tonton after ages! Finding the strength to let go. &Finding something real♥.

You make me want things, I didn't think I wanted anymore.

Perfect timing, almost. Fourth of July♥ watching the rest of the world light the sky. AteKit&Minji days. Bootleg physicals. Celebrating Kuya Jnil's 20th 19th birthday(: ;last time w/ the Guys. MJCK& QT + Elaine@ the Beach. Tagging party. Mom's birthday along the coasts. SEKS Night in LA. Philippine Weekend@ Delano; driving in pitch-black in Texas Chainsaw Massacre areas; winning First Place& sharing the stage w/ Quest & Philippine All-Stars. Filipino concert, watching an amazing dancer. Teaching w/ Mel. Church camp@ Rancho Ybarra. Being able to go to Farmers' Market nights; strawberry pineapple lemonade♥ &Funnel cakes we can't finish. BKD@ Citywalk, watching a horrible movie(; . invisible string-lines, & discounted chocolate-covered strawberries. Jooji's birthday@ Chili's. Visiting Coach after a LONG time. Meeting a lot of his fambam. Luau@ Nigel's, party foullll. Hitting one month. Beach w/ PFAC for Micah's birthday. Finding God again. Brownies& Vanilla Ice Cream♥. Rekindling friendships w/ people I grew young with. Gaining back all the friends I lost temporarily because of a boy. Starting up T3♥ again. MJCK@ Getty Center. Taking him♥ to My Spot. Drama w/ family. Drama w/ exes. Him♥ breaking my "steel-thick" walls down, to show me how to love again. Summer night phone calls. Watching the meteor shower; getting lost in the dark, to find our way back to the valley, right when the sun hit the horizon. Insecurities& trust. Almost* deep-cleaning my room. Dinners w/ his♥ family. Taking care of her, drunk. Helping Sharon sneak out for her first time. Ghost-hunting & park-playing. TwinDay. Falling in love.

Every goodnight kiss, every "Hi! I'm Kit!" handshake, every five-minute interval of pure laughter, every view that took my breath away, every new place conquered, every joy, every night that did not end 'till morning, every embrace of the nature around us, every smile, every touch, every enlightening moment, every morning of waking up to someone holding me, every race of my heartbeat, every second of this life lived. ..Every DAY of this summer was exactly how it should have been. I would not change a single moment, a single tear, a single state of confusion. ..for anything.

I didn't go to New York. & I didn't keep, and pass my CalcII class. I didn't have any week-long sleepovers. I didn't do anything too outrageous like hot-air ballooning, or sky-diving (though, I will sometime!). I didn't need to do anything extravagant. The things that make me happy were just around the corner, & overlap straight into my very heart.

This summer was the most adventurous yet.

Let's go, Fall. Bring it. [:

the irony of it all.

things that bug, just a little:

when I'm woken up by being yelled at, especially for the stupidest reasons. &Especially since I treasure the days I get to actually sleep in.

when I do something right, yet I still get scolded.

when I spend half my day sitting on my butt, driving.

that I'm the go-to girl because everyone knows I'll most likely say yes.

that for some reason, I act like everyone's mom.

wasting gas& $ because of pure stupidity.

acting like the Older Sister, most of the time if not always.

taking care of people who are intoxicated.

how people somehow need drugs& alcohol to have a good time, or to "relax".

when I'm so upset that I have to change my tone or raise my voice. 'Cos I seriously feel like guilty shit afterwards.

seeing the true colors of people I thought I knew so well; people I've put so much trust into even when my doubts weighed more.

the fact that I have poor sense of judgement.

how in almost every relationship, the beginning's just a front.

still being wide awake at SIX in the AM, & having work the next day.

when I cry. I hate it above a lot of things.

going through things that change me in a bad way.

being broke because I'm trying to get an education that'll lead to a well-paying occupation.

crying because no one else is around to tell me to stop.

sleeping by myself.

that I talk a lot when I'm happy, but you most likely won't get a word out of me when I'm irritated.

being emotionally exhausted, but not sleepy a bit.

things that remind me of the past.

promises that are broken.

inconsistency.

how I have the balls to complain about the shit I go through, when it doesn't even COMPARE to what a lot of other people go through.

Why do people put up with crying every night over relationships that are hurting them repeatedly, yet, when a good thing rolls around, it's just too good to be true? Too good that they feel like they want reality. The word associated with fighting, jealousy, & working endlessly to make a relationship work even when it fails constantly. Convincing themselves that what's good isn't necessarily real.

Are you real, or is this just the beginning?

Every time I feel like my heart is filled in excess, waiting to just burst in fear of holding it in, something weighs it right back down again. &I don't know if it's because it's just not it, or if I'm just holding myself at a high. Every time I think I'm sure, something gets in the way to convince me that I haven't seen it all. I want something constant. Not something I'm constantly trying to figure out; is it everlasting, or is it just in the moment? I can never tell. I just don't want to fall for another front.

Because once I'm stuck, I'm really, stuck.

I thought falling was supposed to be a good feeling.

secrets; wishes& wants.

Wanna know two secrets I hold close to my heart?

I wish people would seriously just shut the fuck up& stop telling me things I would've been grateful to learn in the past. Because I made a choice to leave the past in the past for a reason. I don't wana hear anymore "information" that's seriously irrelevant to my life right now. It's like all I'm trying to do is to just forget about everything, but somehow things manage to linger& bring me down everytime I feel like I grabbed my oldself back. It only makes me feel even more stupid& naive. &It's just giving way to the grudge I'm trying so hard not to hold. &If you guys think you're doing me a favor by letting me in on the downlow of what I did not know, it's only bringing me down from the person I want to become, the person I want to intertwine back into my own life. Me--myself, my independent, head& heartstrong self--not the "me" who was living in his shadow.


I want to be taken care of for once. My dad's right. I spend too much time running around trying to take care of everyone else, I hardly make time to take care of myself. It gets tiring after awhile. I can't count how many times I've heard, "You spoil me." &I just wish I could whisper the same words.

The worst thing to do is suppress. But the more I run away, the safer I am. There is no way in hell I will stick myself in a situation I can't get out of. Nope, not this time.

yuck.

I am absolutely terrified by this feeling.

ain't nothing like them summer nights.

Last night / this morning was the epitomy of how a summer night should be;

Popping Little Sister Sharon's sneaking-out-bubble. Learning how to climb down a LADDER. Sneaking past neighbor windows. Getting to the other side of the roof. / Deciding to wait for Elaineface. / Visiting Francis. Too much zoom on timed captures. My own inside jokes "w/ myself". -.- Picking up socks. Gay ninja. / Loading up on Monster. / Ducking from weird looking mafia cars. Pretending to be stuck to fences. "WHICH IS WHICH? -.-" Checking all the trees to see which one's dry enough to climb. Peeing next to couples who make out. Missing tire swings. Unique rollie slides. Sitting on the top of monkey bars. Not swinging high enough& swinging too high. / Taking the wrong street to Gravity Hill [Osbourne St.]. FUCKING SCARY ASS house/barns in the middle of nowhere. Screaming at the top of my lungs& clenching his hand in mine♥. Fog, EVERYWHERE. Turning off headlights in pitch black nowheresville. (Leme tell you being the DD is not the business!) / Seeing faces in the mirrors. Weirdly lighted spots in the road. Going too far& finding abandoned tractors. ..w/ a beautiful view of Sylmar. / GLEN HAVEN CEMETERY. T.T / Gravity Hill; abruptly stopping while we were in neutral. Rolling up cos I accidently had it in third gear. (Dumbass, lol.) / Busting 120mph to Mulholland Drive. First stop being foggy as hell. Locking Jooji& Elaine out. Good talks in the car♥. / Reseda Point; snakeholes! Pleasantville. / Swinging@ the Creek. The rope being cut. -.- Swinging but not being tall enough to land, three times. Sticking my foot in the mud. The broken log. / Western Bagel. Too much& not enough cream cheese. :D / Getting home when everyone was waking up@ Sunrise. Falling asleep in his arms. Waking up in his arms& to him stroking my hair. (: Goodnight kisses& good morning kisses. Sharon being too scared to come out of Manang's. Lovehate relationship with the cereal, lol. Best breakfast I've had in a long time. &Finally crashing in my own bed at Twelve Noon.

.. & That's just the outskirts of the adventure. Not to mention, the many laughs, inside jokes created, & memories engraved. Not even pictures, as much as I LOVE them, could tell these stories. I'm proud to say I surround myself w/ good people, & nothing less. ♥ Spur of the Moment adventures like these, swear it.