the mean reds.

Holly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?

Paul: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?

Holly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat& maybe it's been raining too long. You're just sad for no reason, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid& you don't know just what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

Scene from Breakfast@ Tiffany's
^ one of my favorite movies, mind you! [;

- - - - -

The second I think to myself how wonderful it is, I hold back& put my defenses up. I'm so scared, & I don't even know why or of what.

&I absolutely hate that you did this to me.

Out of everything I've been through, the thing that really sucks the most is the change the whole experience altogether placed on me. Memories, you can forget, or somehow let go of over time. But change takes as much effort to reverse as it did to get that way in the first place.

I know I can somehow get my old self back, but it's gonna take a lot of work& a lot of time.