tick-tock, round the clock.

because this post is about time& nothing more.

I fell asleep at 2AM feeling crappy. Woke up at 4AM feeling crappy. Argued w/ someone for two fuckin' hours making me feel even more shitty. Cried. Fell asleep at 7AM. & Woke up still feeling like crap at 8:30.

I'm going too fast, way too fast. Not us, just me. I promised myself I wouldn't care for someone the way I did w/ all the others for awhile. Because no one was gonna be worth my effort.

& Then I met you& you're worth everything. I wanna care again.

But at the same time I don't want to.

"Time to heal babygirl."

"If you wanna be my boyfriend, you gotta be like, Superboyfriend."

"Okay."

Too good to be true. I need to slow down. Just me.

You never miss the water 'till the well runs dry.

Can someone please tell me how you still have the power to make me cry, even when it's OVER. Even when I'm completely done?

"I'm sad& don't know why."
"Umm. Sorry?"

What kind of friend says something as shitty as that?

&I absolutely cannot believe you have the nerve to say I didn't love you that much. So after everything I've ever done. After I stuck around for so long, dealing w/ every little thing thrown at me. Keeping the hurt low-key. Just to show the world I was strong. To show everyone you were a good guy. Just to make you happy. After being patient w/ you, because I knew how much you yourself have been hurt by her. After holding you close when your world fell apart because of YOUR own mistakes, even though you couldn't do the same w/ me when things were fucked up. After giving up the majority of my friends. After dealing w/ your psycho ex when she spread countless rumors about me. Being regulated. Being okay with your hypocrisy. Tip-toeing around you so as to not push your buttons. Giving when I had nothing else to give. All those nights I cried over your ass. When all you could do is yell at me to stop. Everything& anything you did, I took.

Love is giving someone the potential to break you, trusting them not to.

&That's what I did. Every day. It kept building up& ironically, so did my trust in you. So don't tell me I didn't "that much". Because once upon a time I did. Strongly. Deeply. So much that I didn't care how much it hurt. So much that I stood up for you to every person that really did care about me enough to tell me it wasn't healthy.

& I forgave you. No questions asked.

& I appreciate that you "tried". But this time it just wasn't enough.

- - - - -
Time heals everything. & God sends miracles when the time is right. To help along the way. For a long time I thought everything was my fault. But I'm so much stronger now. &I'm not gonna pass something up that makes me happy. I forgot what it felt like to get a simple phone call to start off my day with my smile. Or what it felt like to have someone miss me the second I leave. It's just the beginning, but it's never felt so right.

After everything we've been through together, I promised to still stick by you as a friend. I've never asked anything of you throughout the time we were together. &Now I'm asking you for one favor--to just be happy for me.

We were strong for a moment in time. I'm sure both of us will learn from the whole experience altogether. Just know you were never replaced. No one can take away what we had. Memories are a forever thing. &Even though they weren't as common, the happy times were treasured way more than the tough ones.

I was strong for you,
now it's your turn. ♥